The concept of chivalry is as old as time. Still, its execution can often feel outdated, like a rotary phone in the era of smartphones. In modern dating and relationships, there’s usually a fine line between being a true gentleman and being out of touch with what women genuinely appreciate.
For men who might be a bit rusty on their chivalrous actions or who have succumbed to the idea that ‘nice guys finish last,’ it’s time to reboot the system. Here are 18 classic chivalrous moves that may have worked in medieval courts but should be reconsidered in today’s social landscape.
Insisting on Paying Every Time
Offering to pay for a meal or activity occasionally is sweet, but continually refusing to allow your date to split the check can be patronizing.
Today’s women are more assertive about their financial independence and equality. Respect her enough to share the burden equally.
Over-the-Top Floral Gestures
While flowers can be a beautiful and thoughtful gift, unexpectedly showing up at her workplace with a vast bouquet can leave her feeling more awkward than adored.
Appreciation does not demand a public display—keep the romance personal and consider the practicalities.
Taking Charge Without Asking
Leading doesn’t always mean planning the whole date. Asking what she enjoys and including her in decision-making can be a pleasant surprise. The goal is to co-pilot, not overpower.
Insisting on Walking Her to the Door
This tradition may have served a protective purpose at one time. Still, it often feels like an unnecessary ritual in the modern age. If your date wants to say goodnight at the car, respect her wish and don’t make it about you.
Refusing to Accept No For an Answer
Chivalry often veers into unwanted territory when men believe they know better. “No” does not mean “maybe,” “convince me,” or “try harder.” It means no. This is about recognizing and respecting her agency and autonomy.
Solely Complimenting Physical Appearance
The virtue in old-fashioned compliments ends when they’re shallow and predictable. Women are more than their looks; they complement their wit, achievements, or unique characteristics. Show depth in your admiration.
Standing Up and Enthusiastically Offering a Seat
It’s always polite to offer a seat on a bus or train, but insisting when she’s perfectly happy standing can be uncomfortable. Treat her like an individual and respect her bodily autonomy and comfort levels.
Pulling Out the Chair
This gesture will likely slow the sitting and eating process unless you’re dining at a medieval banquet. Focus on the conversation and connection over formalities that serve little real-world function.
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Dashing Out to Meet Her Without a Jacket
Having foregone the practicality of a jacket on a cold night, you may be polite in spirit, but no one likes shivering. Practical care is more caring than fancy gestures for its own sake.
Overbearing Pseudo-Protection
It’s great to be caring, but overblown “protection” can seem condescending. This includes presuming to handle things she hasn’t asked for help with, smothering her with unsolicited advice, and not giving her the space to make her own decisions.
Commenting On Her Food Choices
Her diet is her business. While it might come from a place of concern, commenting on what she eats, whether about health or portion size, can be invasive and irritating. Trust her judgment.
Order Taking on Her Behalf
Speaking for her when ordering at a restaurant or giving her the “ladies first” position in line can feel overbearing. Courtesy is about offering a choice, not assuming one.
Offering Unnecessary Physical Assistance
Unless the woman is elderly or visibly in need, offering to carry her bag or open a door she’s perfectly capable of managing is more about showcasing strength than helping. It’s not necessary in most cases—she’s got this.
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Interrupting Her To Be More “Gentlemanly”
Feigning chivalry to talk over her or interrupt is not chivalry at all. It’s a sign of not valuing her voice as much as yours. True chivalry involves genuine respect for her thoughts and ideas.
Attempting to Solve Problems Uninvited
Sometimes, she wants to vent, and that’s okay. Rushing in to “fix” what she might perceive as a problem can come off as dismissive of her feelings. Listening is often more polite than fixing.
The Overly Dramatic Apology
Apologizing profusely for minor things can be more about appearing gentlemanly than making amends. Be sincere and save the theatrics for when they’re genuinely warranted.
Walking on the Roadside of the Sidewalk
This old-school rule was about protecting women from muddy water splashes or runaway horses. If you’re nowhere near those scenarios, give her the option to choose which side she prefers to walk on without over-explaining why.
Treating Her Differently in Professional Situations
Chivalry in the workplace can lead to women feeling isolated or infantilized. Respect her as a peer by treating her no differently than you would a male colleague.
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