13 Signs of Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Financial abuse is a subtle but powerful form of control that can happen in relationships. The Allstate Foundation’s “Purple Purse campaign reports that 78% of Americans are unaware that financial abuse is a form of domestic violence. Often, it goes unnoticed until significant damage has been done.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) reports that financial abuse occurs in 94-99% of domestic violence cases. Recognizing the signs early can help you or someone you know take steps to address the issue. 

Controlling Access to Money

Controlling Access to Money
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When one partner restricts the other’s ability to access bank accounts, credit cards, or cash, it creates a dependency that can be difficult to break. 

This form of abuse often leaves the victim feeling powerless, unable to make independent financial decisions, and dependent on the abuser for basic necessities. 

Monitoring Spending

Monitoring Spending
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An abuser meticulously tracks every expense, demanding receipts, bank statements, and explanations for all purchases, no matter how small. Initially, it may seem like genuine concern or an attempt to budget wisely.

Still, over time, it evolves into a method of dominance. This constant monitoring not only invades personal privacy but instills a sense of fear and anxiety, making the victim feel controlled and disempowered. 

Withholding Financial Information

Withholding Financial Information
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Consider a scenario where a partner hides a large debt, income, expenditures, or a significant investment. The victim might unknowingly enter financial agreements, manipulate debt, or even face legal repercussions without understanding the full extent of their financial obligations.

Such situations can impact their credit scores and future financial stability.

Sabotaging Employment

Sabotaging Employment
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The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) reports that between 21% and 60% of domestic violence survivors lose their jobs due to abuse-related reasons (NNEDV, 2020). 

This form of abuse can include harassment at the workplace, refusing to provide transportation, or creating crises at home that necessitate frequent absenteeism from work (Adams et al., 2008). This loss of employment results in immediate financial distress and hinders long-term economic stability and career growth.

Accumulating Debt in the Victim’s Name

Accumulating Debt in the Victim's Name
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Perpetrators of financial abuse may open credit accounts, take out loans, or make significant purchases in their partner’s name. Not only does this leave the victim responsible for repaying debt they didn’t incur, but it also damages their credit score, limiting their ability to secure future housing, employment, or loans. 

A survey conducted by the Centers for Financial Security reports that 78% of victims of financial abuse reported having their credit damaged due to their abuser’s actions (CFS, 2018).

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Stealing or Withholding Money

Stealing or Withholding Money
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For instance, your partner may be taking funds from your personal savings without your consent or hiding money that should be collectively accessible. This theft or concealment directly impacts trust and financial stability, contributing to a cycle of dependence and control.

Similarly, withholding money can involve preventing access to shared accounts, denying funds for necessary expenses (like groceries, medical care, or childcare), or keeping you from knowing about family finances altogether. 

Exerting Power through Allowances or Budgets

Exerting Power through Allowances or Budgets
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When one partner dictates how much money the other can spend or allocates strict budgets and allowances without mutual consent, it creates a power imbalance.

This manipulation can hinder the victim’s ability to work, save money, and plan for the future, effectively trapping them in an abusive situation.

Forcing Financial Decisions

Forcing Financial Decisions
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When one partner consistently makes financial decisions without offering the other an equal voice, it creates an environment of control and dependence. Forcing financial decisions can include coercing a partner into signing financial documents, taking out loans, or making investments they are uncomfortable with. 

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This undermines their confidence, contributes to financial instability, and can limit opportunities for personal and professional growth. It’s not just about the money; it’s about the loss of independence and the erosion of trust and respect in the relationship.

Exploiting Assets

Exploiting Assets
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This type of control can manifest in various ways, such as selling off the partner’s assets without their consent, using joint property solely for personal gain, or manipulating legal documents to strip away ownership rights.

Susan Weitzman, in her book “Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages,” elaborates on how upscale perpetrators manipulate assets to maintain dominance, illustrating the pervasive nature of this abuse across different socio-economic backgrounds.

Threatening or Manipulating with Money

Threatening or Manipulating with Money
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This practice involves using financial power to control the partner’s actions, decisions, and autonomy. Abusers may leverage money as a tool for punishment or reward, creating an environment of fear and dependency. 

Such tactics can manifest in various ways, including threats to withhold financial support and limiting the victim’s ability to meet basic needs or pursue personal goals. 

Preventing Access to Financial Education

Preventing Access to Financial Education
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Michelle Singletary, a renowned personal finance columnist, emphasizes in her book “The 21-Day Financial Fast that financial education is crucial for achieving financial freedom and avoiding dependency on others. 

A 2018 Global Financial Literacy Excellence Center (GFLEC) report notes that only 33% of adults worldwide are financially literate. Preventing access to financial education can take many forms, including dismissing its importance, discouraging participation in financial courses, or even directly prohibiting reading financial literature.

Gaslighting About Financial Matters

Gaslighting About Financial Matters
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Financial gaslighting involves a range of deceptive behaviors, such as denying financial transactions, hiding evidence of financial mismanagement, or manipulating financial accounts to distort reality.

For instance, an abuser might accuse their partner of spending money frivolously when, in fact, they didn’t, or they might deny making a withdrawal from a joint account and insist it was the victim’s error.

Threatening to Leave or Evict the Partner Without Financial Support

Threatening to Leave or Evict the Partner Without Financial Support
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This tactic makes the victim feel financially insecure, coercing them into staying in an abusive relationship due to the fear of financial instability and homelessness. Without access to money, housing, or even basic necessities, victims may feel they have no viable escape route.

By threatening to withdraw financial support or evicting a partner, the abuser reinforces the power imbalance, making it clear that the victim’s security and well-being are at the abuser’s mercy.

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